


Well Meaning Lies Only Hurt Ourselves

by GrannyBoo



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post episode 43, non-established relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-07 18:12:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16858906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrannyBoo/pseuds/GrannyBoo
Summary: A quick look at the boys' first night on the Squalleater, post Darktow. Spoilers for 43, more summary in the notes. Based off art by @Birbyatta on twitter that I will link below.





	Well Meaning Lies Only Hurt Ourselves

**Author's Note:**

> Caleb addressing some of the actions Fjord took for the sake of others' at his own comfort's expense and how Fjord felt when Caleb went down.
> 
> Hope you all enjoy, this is based off of Birbyatta's lovely art on twitter: https://twitter.com/birbyatta/status/1069892033219870720
> 
> Go give it a like and check out their other stuff its all fucking good <3

If Caleb were more of a religious man, he might have likened the way the gentle waves rocked the ship to the Wild Mother rocking them to sleep after the day’s stress and tension. Caduceus said something to that effect to Yasha, the woman replying with something too softly for him to hear as he made his way to the cabin serving as Fjord’s room. The Captain’s Cabin.

He rapped on the wooden frame twice, peering in through the already open doorway to see Fjord, standing over the bed with his arms crossed over his chest and a far off look in his eyes. He started at the noise, glancing over to Caleb and nodding (mostly to himself it seemed as he shook off whatever thoughts were plaguing him for the moment).

“Hey. Uh, come on in,” Fjord beckoned, “close the door behind you?” Caleb followed the request, hearing the door shut with a click and suddenly they weren’t a part of the ship. They were in their own plane of existence separate from everything, Fjord leaning back against the desk with his arms still folded, fingers gripping far-too-tightly at his biceps, as though he were forcibly keeping them there against their will. Caleb tried to make eye contact (something he had been working on for some time) but Fjord was making his best effort to avoid it, glancing briefly at the red-raw marks on Caleb’s cheek before fixating on something else.

“How are you doing?”

Caleb’s question seemed to confuse Fjord.

“I’m fine. Didn’t take many hits in Darktow-“

“I do not mean physically. You…you were subject to a many things that would make it understandable if you were…not okay.”

Fjord’s hands tightened and Caleb briefly wondered if there would be bruises left behind.

“I’m fine.”

“Fjord. Do not bullshit a buillshitter.”

The warlock’s shoulders, which held a tension Caleb hadn’t noticed for a fair time, finally released with a deep exhale and he looked _tired_. He dragged his hands over his face and linked his fingers behind his head, keeping his eyes down on the wooden floor and away from the man in front of him, taking deep, controlled breaths.

“May I come closer?”

Fjord shook his head.

“Alright. Would you like me to leave-“

Fjord shook his head far more vehemently.

“I don’t-…I don’t know how to make it stop,” Fjord’s admission was strained, words spoken through gritted teeth and the oncoming threat of tears.

“How to make what stop?”

“ _Everything_. I just want everything to stop for _five goddamn minutes_.”

Caleb observed, back against the door, seeing pieces of Fjord’s crumbling self that hit far too close to home.

“The ship will run itself for the night,” Caleb kept his voice low, remembering the rumbling timbre of his father as he soothed him after a nightmare, hoping his words could do the same, and hoping the relieving tension in Fjord’s arms was a good thing. “Everyone is outside except us. Do not think of them. Do not think of the world. Everything has stopped in here.”

Fjord nodded, taking breath after shuddering breath before finally looking back up at Caleb from across the room, golden eyes honing in on the mark on Caleb’s cheek.

“I should ask if you’re okay. You went down pretty hard.”

“I have had worse,” Caleb brushed off, paying mind to the soft tremor in Fjord’s hands.

“Doesn’t mean I liked it. I was right there, Caleb. You just-“ he waved his hand, a pantomime of Caleb’s body hitting the docks in Darktow, with a detached look of bemusement. As though the event didn’t register as having possibly _actually_ happened despite his memory distinctly telling him otherwise. “For a moment there, I thought-“

He worried at his lip, keeping his thoughts behind them.

“I have you to thank for that not occurring.”

“I was _right there_ Caleb. You shouldn’t have gotten hurt at all.”

Caleb took hesitant steps towards Fjord, watching his face for any sort of negative reaction. The man’s expression could have been mistaken for indifference, but the way his eyes softened, the muscles in his arms relaxing…Caleb reached out a hand, pausing just before touching.

“It was out of your control. You could not know I was going to move or that I would be struck,” Caleb’s hand curled around Fjord’s forearm, thumb stroking the skin slowly, absent-mindedly. “I am fine. You are not. And it is okay to not be fine but please. Do not pretend you are, for the sake of people who allowed you to hurt this way.”

Fjord was quiet, looking at Caleb’s hand and tracking the path of his pale thumb over the green skin almost hypnotically.

“You should sleep,” Caleb murmured, catching the way Fjord winced and darted his eyes towards the bed as though it were a hungry mimic. “You do not wish to sleep in her bed.” He felt the anger and self-reproach heat in his gut at the way Fjord nodded his head as though he were _ashamed_ to admit it.

Caleb slid his hand from Fjord’s forearm down to his wrist, fingers wrapped around it lightly enough that Fjord could easily remove himself from his grip if he desired. He didn’t.

“Would you like to sleep in my room?”

Fjord nodded.

“Come. Nott is rooming with the girls-“ Caleb’s words were pushed out of his chest as Fjord’s arms wrap around him in a hug, the taller man completely enveloping him.

“Thank you, Caleb,” Fjord’s words were said with an odd inflection, a shift in accent that was familiar but strange all the same. Caleb didn’t comment or pay more mind to it than that split second between Fjord’s arms embracing him and when his own rest around Fjord’s ribs.

“It is fine. Come. We can deal with the rest of the world tomorrow,” Caleb waited for Fjord to release him, then took his wrist in hand once more, leading him out onto the ship. It was quiet, Orly at the helm with Marius beside him, discussing something quietly amongst themselves while the pair ducked back down to the crew’s quarters. The cabin Caleb had been staying in with Nott was entirely vacant, the hammocks swinging gently from the rafters.

Fjord’s murmured request to sleep with Caleb in the same hammock made navigating the piece of fabric difficult but the pair eventually managed, Fjord curled half on top of Caleb with his head resting on the wizard’s chest and Caleb’s hand curled by the nape of his neck.

“Today was a clusterfuck.”

When Fjord spoke, his voice rumbled in his chest in a way Caleb could feel against his ribs and he was briefly distracted by the shiver up his spine at that realisation before he answered.

“A cluster of fucks is putting it mildly.”

“…I was terrified when I saw you go down.” Caleb pushed down the urge to brush it off again, listening to Fjord speak. “Everything else just froze and…Caleb I…I’m really fond of you. It hurt. Seeing you scraped up and bleeding and thinking you were-“ Fjord’s word cut off, jaw clamped shut and not allowing himself to verbalise what was apparently a very painful thought that Caleb was having difficulty registering.

“I am fond of you as well Fjord-“

Fjord looked up at Caleb with an expression that told him he meant more than the word implied and the gears clicked into place in Caleb’s head.

“ _Oh._ ”

Fjord suddenly looked far less comfortable than he had been a moment ago but Caleb placed a gentle hand in his hair and ran his fingers through it, relaxing in the hammock in a way that Fjord mirrored, replacing his head on Caleb’s chest.

“I almost lost you…” Fjord’s shoulders hunched up and he curled further into Caleb’s frame, letting out a shuddering breath and fisting his hand into the wizard’s shirt. He released it quickly, almost frantically trying to remove himself from the hammock. “I’m sorry, I-I’ll go back, I shouldn’t-“

“Fjord. Please. Stay?” The words froze Fjord in his tracks, looing down at Caleb with something unreadable before he nodded, slowly returning to his previous space, but now with his arms more securely wrapped around Caleb, taking steadying breaths while he listened to Caleb hum some old lullaby he recalled through fuzzy sepia tones, and eventually, _finally_ , slept.


End file.
